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I have an addiction to cheddar cheese. Don’t worry; it’s only mild.

Why does the IRS audit seafood restaurants so often? Something in their kitchens is always a bit fishy.

My friend barely escaped injury after falling through a plate glass window. It must have been very paneful.

Did you hear about the pelican with a successful standup career? His jokes really fit the bill.

What is a dog’s favorite car modification? A sub-woofer.

Why are fish usually really easy to weigh? Because most have their own scales.

I feel bad for the grim reaper’s dentist. He frequently brushes with death.

What was the pickle’s favorite game show? Dill or No Dill.

Did you know that many mental institutions have hiking trails? Some are absolutely full of psychopaths.

The top five reasons for procrastination: 1) boredom 2) work ethic.