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Don’t tell secrets in corn fields. Too many ears around.

General: “How many troops do you have for today’s operation?” Captain: “483, sir.” General: “That’ll do, round them up.” Captain: “500, sir.”

I finally found work as a baker’s assistant. I really knead the dough.

What do you call a monkey in a minefield? Baboom.

What did the Italian sausage say to the German sausage? You’re the wurst!

I wasn’t going to get a brain transplant. But then I changed my mind.

What do you call parasites that suck cleaning chemicals? Bleeches.

I had to give up on my idea to create a miniature flamethrower. It was burning a hole in my pocket.

How do you like your air? I like my airplane.

Did you know that Captain Kirk has three ears? A left ear, a right ear, and a final frontier.