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Where do flat-earthers buy their clothes? Lands’ End.

Two old men are sitting by a pool. The first asks, “Have you read Marx?” The other replies, “Yes. I believe that comes from these chairs.”

I spent $300 on a limo and it didn’t come with a driver. I spent all of my money and have nothing to chauffeur it.

Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, right?

Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like a banana.

When I realized the play was a dud, I resigned from the stage design team. I left without making a scene.

Hey officer, how did the hackers escape? “No idea, they just ransomware.”

What was the bee’s reaction when it won the lottery? It was just buzzing.

When is a door not a door? When it’s a jar.

If you bought a DeLorean, would you drive it a lot, or just from time to time?