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What’s a vegetarian zombie’s favorite food? A human bean.

I rescued a dog that once belonged to a blacksmith. The first thing he did when I brought him home was make a bolt for the door.

I took my friend’s favorite board game without him noticing. He doesn’t have a clue.

What’s the difference between a doctor and God? God doesn’t think he’s a doctor.

What do you call an army of marching babies? An infantry.

Did you read about the bakery that burned down? Their whole business is now toast.

Why was the man fired from the Swedish fish factory? He always took stock home.

My friend fell and told me that she couldn’t stand up. I said “Why not? It’s a great movie!”

What do you call a poodle in the summer? A hot dog, and in the winter it’s a chili dog.

The cashier in my lane scanned the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader. The look on his face was priceless.