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Where do bass keep their money? At the river bank.

I saw two security guards chasing someone who had stolen a used board game. It was trivial pursuit.

I just can’t trust trees. They seem kind of shady.

What do you give a terrier after they put on a good show? A round of a-paws.

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. So she hugged me.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like his passengers.

Did you hear about the restaurant on an asteroid? Great food, no atmosphere.

It’s been a month since I sent my hearing aid in for repairs. I’ve heard nothing since.

I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted.

I made a great joke at a mandatory meeting today. You had to be there.