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I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Find a piece of paper and write the second to last letter of the alphabet. If you do it you’ll see why.

How do you make a hot dog stand? Take away its chair.

I tried to impress a girl by stepping on the pedal. Turns out she’d seen a trash can open like that before.

Why were Star Wars 4-6 released before 1-3? Because in charge of the schedule Yoda was.

What do you call a taxi made out of vegetables? A corn on the cab.

My wife kicked me out of the house because of my bad Schwarzenegger impressions. But don’t worry, I will return.

In the face of mounting bills after losing my job, I decided to cut out the middle of our last loaf of bread. At that point, I could make ends meet.

I’m open to trying all kinds of art. Still life is where I draw the lime.

I saw a friend of mine sweep a girl off her feet. He’s quite an aggressive janitor.