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Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous. I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am disappointed.

Did you hear about the kleptomaniac who had an accident in the laundromat? He took a tumble.

Buses stop at bus stations. Trains stop at train stations. My desk is a work station.

Robin: “Hey Batman, the Batmobile won’t start.” Batman: “Did you check the battery?” Robin: “What’s a tery?”

Why did the phone wear glasses? It lost all of its contacts.

I loaded my favorite hiking playlist. It has tracts from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my Trail Mix.

What lies on the bottom of the ocean and shakes? A nervous wreck.

How do ants avoid the flu? They have anty bodies.

Did you hear about the guy who caught himself on the railing before falling down the airport steps? He missed the flight.

I wanted to buy camouflage pants from the army surplus store but I couldn’t find any.