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My furniture and I are really close. I go way back with my recliner.

What starts with e, ends with e, and only has one letter in it? An envelope.

Why don’t executioners typically high-five people? They’re used to leaving them hanging.

Monks in a lakeside monastery fell on hard times and opened a fish fry. On opening day, a woman saw one peeling potatoes: “Hey, you must be the chip monk?” He replies, “No, I’m a friar.”

What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.

Why is it so rare to see sheet music for violinists? They usually play it by ear.

As a high schooler, I was offered a job in a monastery laundry. My parents said no way; they didn’t want me picking up dirty habits.

What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.

What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays.

A blind man walks into a bar. And a chair, and a table, and some people.