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6:30 is my favorite time. Hands down.

I once swallowed a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.

What’s Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barackoli.

I had a game of quiet badminton today. It’s like regular badminton but without the racket.

MI6: “You’re under arrest for stealing all of Wikipedia’s servers.” Me: “Wait! I can explain everything.”

The best paper towels and toilet paper are truly tearable.

Before surgery, my anesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle. It was an ether/oar situation.

Every morning at breakfast, I tell my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t. It’s my longest running joke of the year.

What do you call a hen staring at lettuce and croutons? Chicken sees a salad.

Why was the Central American man shaky? His condition was due to his-panic attacks.