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I watched a medical courier accidentally drop an organ needed for transplant. It was a heartbreaking scene.

Why do people like fizzy drinks? They’re sodalicious.

I’m really proud of my friend’s collection of stage production equipment. Props to her.

What’s the difference between the largest plane and the largest planet? 1t.

I invented beach footwear for people with one leg. It was a flop.

What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves.

How did the Mexican army keep warm during the Battle of the Alamo? They used chicken fa-heat-us.

Did you hear about the red ship that hit the blue ship on a clear day? All of the sailors were purplexed.

I have a chicken-proof lawn. It’s impeccable.

My uncle had the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the zoo.