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To call the whole Elon Musk controversy “Elon-Gate” seems like a bit of a stretch.

What are corals often stressing about the most? Current events.

How often should comedians tell chemistry jokes? Periodically, as long as they get a reaction.

What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.

What do vegetarian zombies say? Grrrrrainnnnnssss.

My son asked why I was talking so quietly. I said I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening. Son laughed, I laughed, Google Assistant laughed, Alexa laughed.

My son is obsessed with everything Star Wars, but this week he’s also into cars. I bought him a toy Yoda.

Fun fact: prior to achieving immense popularity with “Sweet Caroline,” Neil Diamond was called Neil Carbon. Ultimately, the pressure got to him.

I have a pen that can write underwater. It can write other words, too.

Customer walks into a bookstore and asks the clerk for a book on turtles. Clerk: “Hardback?” Customer: “Yes and their little heads pop in and out.”