Uncategorized

I hate it when you sincerely compliment someone’s mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.

Someone asked if I had heard of Pavlov’s dog. I told her it rang a bell.

I was planning to make a joke about sodium and hydrogen, but NaH.

The amount of cabbage is directly proportional to the square root of the carrots divided by the volume of the mayo. That’s Cole’s Law.

Why was the broom late? It overswept.

My uncle stores his coin collection in Altoids tins. He claims it keeps them in mint condition.

What’s a pirate’s favorite Apple product? The iPatch.

The bartender asks a polar bear what he’d like to drink. The polar bear hangs his head, sighs, and finally says he’d like a beer. The bartender asks, “Why the big paws?”

People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician.

I’m not sure if I like my new blender. It keeps giving me mixed results.