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What do you call a belt lined with watches? A waist of time.

I used to detest my job hanging from the ceiling, blowing air at people. Now I’m a big fan.

What’s the difference between a thunder storm and a lion with a toothache? One pours with rain and the other roars with pain.

Why do chemists make excellent conflict resolution therapists? Because they always have a good solution.

I relabeled the jars in our spice rack. I haven’t gotten into trouble with my wife just yet, but the thyme is cumin.

My uncle was the guy shot from a cannon at the circus. When he retired, they had to close the show. They couldn’t find another man of his caliber.

My kid didn’t want to tell me that his tooth was loose. I had to pull it out of him.

I asked my brother why he only uses his superpowers on my daughters. He told me he only has telekinesis, not telekinephews.

My wife is furious at our next door neighbor for sunbathing in her backyard. Personally, I’m on the fence.

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don’t.