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I was diagnosed as having a phobia of over-engineered buildings. It’s a complex complex complex.

My deaf wife told me that “we need to talk.” That was not a good sign.

Did you know they banned round hay bales? The horses weren’t getting a square meal.

I can’t stand perfume commercials. They don’t make any scents to me.

My wife insists I’m the cheapest man in the world. I’m not buying it.

My friend turned 45 last week. During an argument, I told tell her: “Well, you’re half right.”

Started work on a plane that used stilts instead of wings. The project had a ton of support but never took off.

What do you call a pig with three eyes? A piiig.

The waitress saw my leftovers and asked, “Do you wanna box for that?” I responded, “No, but I’ll arm wrestle any day.”

My wife hates pizza jokes. Most of them are too cheesy.