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What’s blue and not heavy? Light blue.

You want to know the way to my heart? A scalpel and a bone saw.

I have a friend who really loves to count. I wonder what he’s up to?

What I if told you… You read the joke wrong.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I had to stop using laxatives after eating at the Bavarian restaurant. They really bring out the wurst in me.

I hate seeing my loved ones go. It’s even worse with fives, tens, and twenties.

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic. He said, “Go ahead. Knock yourself out.”

My son claims that he identifies as an ancient Greek string instrument. Frankly, I think he’s a lyre.

I asked my astronomer neighbor if he’d like some veggie pizza. He said he’d prefer something meteor.