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Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One says to the other, “Hey, do you smell fish?”

What does a bodybuilder say when he runs out of protein? No whey!

Doctor: “I will be delivering your baby.” Parents: “We’d prefer he keep his liver, please.”

I’m telling my friends about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.

A young boy swallowed some pennies and was taken to the hospital. His father rushed over and asked how he was. The nurse replied: “No change yet.”

When my grandfather was ill, we rubbed lard on his back. He went downhill quite quickly after that.

This past week we’ve tried teaching our infant son how to hold things. Sadly, he wasn’t grasping the concept.

Why is dark spelled with a ‘k’ and not a ‘c’? Because you can’t see in the dark.

What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a firecracker? Dino-mite.

On Monday, a delivery van with files and filing cabinets was stolen. The next day, another with clear buckets and labeled boxes was stolen. The police believe it was organized crime.