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I don’t know why dad jokes get a bad rap, women love them. Otherwise they’d be bachelor jokes.

What do you call a person who dislikes people with missing toes? Lack-toes intolerant.

I saw an ad that read: “Bose stereo for sale, $5, volume stuck at 11.” I thought to myself: “I can’t turn that down!”

I was in a bar fight and shoved a guy into a light switch on the wall. He looked at me and said, “Oh, it’s on now!”

My girlfriend and I met for dinner after work. After a while, I whispered “I love you.” She asked “Is that you or the beer talking?” I answered “It’s me talking to the beer.”

Want to hear a joke about planes? Never mind, it’s over your head.

Why is it hard to trust Italian pasta? Because some of them are spyghetti.

When I was in high school, we lived on a houseboat and I fell in love with the girl next door. Eventually, we drifted apart.

I built myself a voice-activated car. I also have a regular car, but that goes without saying.

Why weren’t the vultures allowed to board their flight? They had too many carrions.