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What do you call a wild American bison that lifts weights? A buff-alo.

Once, I drank some food coloring. I dyed a little inside.

Despite the current fad, I regret rubbing ketchup on my eyes. But that’s Heinz sight for you.

What kind of shoes do amphibians wear? Open toad.

What kind of murderer gets enough fiber? A cereal killer.

I own a pencil that once belonged to William Shakespeare. The problem’s that he chewed it a lot. Now I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.

When do transformers do most of their online shopping? Optimus Prime Day.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself, this is the last thing I need.

I think my wife is changing my son’s diaper too often. The box says they are good for up to 16 pounds.

As I sat in the chair, my dentist asked if I had any questions before he got started. I told him, no, I know the drill.