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When I came to after getting hit by a truck, I was shocked to discover my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.

Two satellites got married. The wedding was terrible but the reception was amazing.

What do you call a person with one arm and no legs? By their name. Don’t be a jerk.

I only gamble on the top floor of casinos. My odds are better when I roll high.

My girlfriend and I watched three movies back to back. Luckily, I was facing forward.

Where does a mansplainer get his water? From a well, actually.

What do you call a girl in the middle of a tennis court? Annette.

I’ve been trying to come up with a joke related to sewing. If only I had some material.

What did the scarf say to the hat? You go on ahead; I’m going to hang a bit longer.

My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I assured him that I would gourd it with my life.