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What do Alexander the Great, Erik the Red, and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name.

A T. rex walks into a vegan restaurant and is greeted by someone who said she knew him. He had never met herbivore.

I turned in my project on gingivitis just in time. I made it by the skin of my teeth.

Up next: How to sound good in a band. Stay tuned.

My wife showed me her mother’s quilts and asked which I preferred. I told her I’d rather not make a blanket judgment.

What’s the difference between a pedant and a kleptomaniac? One takes things literally and the other takes things, literally.

I was going to add jokes about penguins to my routine until I realized they won’t fly.

Why did the winemaker have a nervous breakdown? He couldn’t bottle it up any more.

My dog only responds to commands in Spanish. He’s a cocker Español.

What do you call two guys hanging above a window? Kurt and Rod.