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I dreamed about swimming in an ocean of orange soda last night. It took a while to realize it was a Fanta sea.

Did you know iTunes is selling a track for just forty-five cents? It’s a new song by 50cent featuring Nickelback.

Guys, this is so sad. The water boiled. It shall be mist.

Nine months isn’t really that long, it only feels like a maternity.

My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, “Is this a pear?” “No,” I replied, “There’s only one.”

There was a massive explosion at a cheese factory outside of Paris. There was nothing left but debris.

After my brother stole all the ice from my soda, my mom asked what I wanted. I replied: “Justice!”

What did the fish monger say to the magician? Pick a cod, any cod.

What do you call a happy rabbit? A hoptimist.

Why did the horses get a divorce? They didn’t have a stable relationship.