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The pastor asked the congregation to skip the fourth verse of the hymn. They refrained.

An atom walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he’s seen his missing electron. “Are you sure she’s missing?” asks the bartender. “I’m positive,” replied the atom.

I wanted to become a conductor. But there was too much training.

I’m tired of people coming to my door saying I need to be saved or I’ll burn. Annoying firefighters.

Why did the ram jump over the cliff? He didn’t see the ewe turn.

When I was young, my dad used to tear up the last page of all my comic books and never told me why. I had to draw my own conclusions.

I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I’m fine.

I found a nickel on the ground and I have a feeling I’m going to find a penny later. It’s my sixth sense.

I was so bored that I read six pages of the dictionary. I learned next to nothing.

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He lies awake at night wondering if there is a dog.