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Does anyone know Bruce Lee’s dad’s name? It’s always been a Mr. Lee to me.

Someone stole a full case of Red Bull from my store. I don’t know how they can sleep at night.

I couldn’t understand why my brother worked at the largest mint on the planet. Now, it makes all the cents in the world.

Nurse: “Sir, there’s a patient at the front desk who says he’s invisible.” Doctor: “Just tell him I can’t see him right now.”

Someone asked if I was Russian. I said no, I’m taking my time.

What do otters say when they get stuck in seaweed? “Kelp! Kelp!”

Why didn’t the Indian baker make sourdough bread? It’s a naan starter.

I’m teaching my son to tell jokes about the post office. His latest ones have my stamp of approval.

What happens when your hot dogs get cold? You get chili dogs.

I had a disturbingly long dream that I was making a Caesar salad. I was tossing all night.